I want to start this post out with a quote from Brian. After I told him the story I'm about to tell you he said, "Our little baby is growing in to a toddler." Just think about this as you read.
It's also important for you to be aware of a few things before I tell you this story. First off, there are no pictures or videos and you can thank me for that in the comments. Secondly, if you have a weak stomach then just stop here. You can know that the story is really funny. And I think that's it.
So, this morning around 7:30, I decided it was time to wake up Monkey. Normally he wakes up around 7:00 but some mornings he sleeps in (no rhyme or reason so I can't replicate it when I want to), and it's usually around 7:30 that I start to get nervous. You know, that maybe he threw up in the middle of the night and asphyxiated or that he tried to climb out of his crib, fell, and broke his neck. All completely plausible.
I walked in to his room, turned on the light, and this is what I saw. Monkey was standing at the edge of his crib, like he always does, but that was where normal ended. I put Monkey to sleep in feetsie pajamas that zipper up the front and then snap at the top to cover the zipper. His pajamas were unzipped all the way down to his feet with the snap still in place. One foot was out of the pajamas and, as I got closer, I also noticed that half of his diaper was undone and hanging down. And now for the fun part. There was a smell in the room that didn't make sense until I was on top of monkey. You see, that half opened diaper had a poopy in it. And Monkey had decided to investigate.
His hands were caked with poop. His mouth had poop smeared on it (which I have decided to believe was simply because he touched his mouth not because he ate anything), one leg was streaked in a rather Jackson Pollock way, his belly was covered, the sheets were smeared, and the inside of the crib had poop all over the rails.
At first I was rather surprised and impressed since he had never opened his pajamas before (or his diaper). Then I asked him if he could wait a few days in between new things... like did we really need to learn how to take off our pants, tops, pajamas, and diaper all in a few days? And then I realized I had to deal with it.
So Monkey went in the bath tub and got scrubbed. His bed got stripped and is being washed as we speak. I momentarily convinced Monkey to keep his diaper on while I put him in new pajamas (I say momentarily because I'm sure that the diaper will come off many more times) and I wiped down the wooden rails of his crib with Clorox wipes.
And then I made the decision that today we are going to Gymboree and buying some one piece outfits since he can't take those off... yet.
To return to Brian's comment... I think we have left the baby months (short, went-by-way-too-fast, wonderful months) behind us and have aggressively moved into the toddler years (as unknown and as scary as that sounds).
Good morning y'all.