Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Swim Class

(I know, blog fail... I missed yesterday.  But I'm not giving up so here I go.)

Evan and Chloe have begun swim lessons.  For Chloe it's really all about just getting her to put her face in the water since she seems to be allergic to getting water close to her eyes (even in the bathtub) but for Evan it's really about safety.  Because, you see, Evan thinks he can swim.  He will tell you he can swim (and he did tell me when I told him we signed him up for lessons).  But, he can't.  What he can do is float as long as he is wearing his floaties.  And he can blow bubbles.  But he definitely can't swim.

So getting him to the class the first time wasn't so easy.  But once we went he left and told me that swim classes are fun.  I thought this was awesome until our second class.  Our first class was taught by a substitute since our regular teacher was sick that day.  But the regular teacher showed up for the second class... and... umm... how can I put this nicely... I don't like her.  Not one bit.  And I have to shave weekly for this thing (yes, I don't shave often during the winter, if you do then I'm impressed and I'm sure your significant other is as well... my significant other has learned to deal) and I have to convince a little man that going somewhere Saturday morning separate from his sister (who goes to gym classes Saturday morning - how did this happen already with an 18 month old and a 3 year old I don't know) is tough enough without being annoyed at the person with whom I'll be spending time.

Here are the reasons I don't like this teacher:

She pretended to speak to the entire class but instead spoke directly to me.  And this was about Evan's swimsuit.  Here is the deal.  His lessons are at an indoor pool (obviously) that I had previously been in this summer.  This summer the pool was 100 degrees and steamy so I didn't make Evan wear his swim shirt.  Well in the winter the pool is chilly... like seriously chilly.  And the teacher was lecturing us (because she really does lecture) that children, especially those with low body fat, will get cold and won't participate.  Now, there was Evan and one other kid with no shirt on but she spent the entire lecture looking directly at me... and only me.  She then told us to buy the children swim suits that are similar to wet suits.  Which I thought made perfect sense since the class only costs like $40 and I'm sure the suits are just as inexpensive and kids this age don't have growth spurts at all.

She called me out in front of the entire class.  We were using barbells to help the children learn how to float on their stomachs and extend their arms.  When used correctly it looks like this:

But, sometimes, when you're a parent that isn't always paying 100% attention because your kid has been acting up for most of the class, your annoyed at the teacher and can't believe you had to shave AND put on a swim suit for this shit, sometimes your kid can slide forward on the barbells so that they end up under your child's hips which then pushes your child's face in the water and your child comes up sputtering.  Hypothetically speaking, if this did happen, you might not be too alarmed because at one point you were a trained and certified life guard and if something serious happened then you have good faith in your ability to step in.  But, in the eyes of the teacher, you're a mom fail and the teacher will, and did, call across the pool, "Mom, when your child starts to slide off the bar bell you have to immediately grab him before he goes under water."

She made assumptions about my child and tried to tell me about his mood.  By the time class was over Evan had had enough.  Part of the problem was that he was annoyed and the other part of the problem was that the teacher spend 20 of the 30 minutes of class talking and it just isn't easy to contain an active 3 year old for that long... and he was cold (I know... just because she was right doesn't mean anything).  I always have my children go over and thank their instructors (a move I may have to think about changing) so we did that.  And the instructor turned to me and said, "He's tired."  To which I just stared at her because the only things I could think of saying were completely inappropriate considering the fact that my mother spent years upon years drilling in to me that I have to respect my elders (and this teacher is my mom's elder).  So, I said nothing.  And she turned to Evan and asked him, "Did your mother let you go to bed late last night?"  Evan just looked at me because he had no idea what was going on.  And I did answer this one o tell her he did not go to bed later.  She then told me it was important they get a good night's sleep before class so they can participate.

And, I'm writing this blog on Wednesday... his swim lessons were Saturday.  I'm clearly still fuming about this.  I can't wait to shave this Sunday.

1 comment:

  1. I would cut a bitch. And I don't even have kids. I am worried about writing this foul-mouthed response because I am certain your mom will see it or something, but it has to be said. :)And I am going to sign it because I don't know how else to post it but anonymously.
    Liz Kershner