Raising A Two-Year Old - The Truth According to Me

Here is another one of those posts where I try to be as honest as possible.  And by being honest I meant that I will try and paint for you a true picture of what it's like to raise a two-year old, active, smart, little boy.  Because while I do try and go to take the boy outside at least once a day that is a very very small part of my day (and the part of my day where Evan is the most calm). 

I thought long and hard about how to be honest so I figured I would share with you the things that happen EVERY day.  I don't mean everyday things (like we have breakfast) I mean that the following list itemizes things that occur every single day of my life with Evan:

1. Evan pushes Chloe down and makes her cry.  This one actually happens about 5-10 times a day depending on how much time we spend inside the house that day.  This is followed by time-out for 2 minutes during which he usually screams... for at least 1 minute.  Fun.

2. Evan gets into some drawer/closer/cabinet/box that he isn't supposed to be in and plays with inappropriate items.  Like how today I came out of the shower and he had opened up his father's toiletry bag (that he somehow found in our bedroom) and he was playing with a razor (which thankfully had a razor cap on it so the blade wasn't out) and something else.  Let's see if you can guess what is in Evan's hair:

You can't tell from this picture?  Let's take a closer look:

Nope, it's isn't bird doo... it's toothpaste.  Because he found Brian's travel toothpaste and thought it was hair gel so he put it in his hair.  (What disturbs you more, that Evan did this or that I clearly didn't wash it out since I took these pictures at the park AFTER he put the toothpaste in his hair?).

Here is a list of some of the things Evan has "found" and decided to play with before I took them away:

• screwdrivers
• allen wrenches
• screws
• silicone loaf pan
• level
• pen
• safety pin
• earring
• tongs
• butter knife

And this list is just from this past week.

3. Meltdowns.  We will have a meltdown because Chloe took something, or because I took something away, or because he can't reach something, or because he can't find his lamb, or because the sun didn't reach the zenith at the appropriate time (not really on this one, I'm just making sure you are still listening).  Now most of the time these meltdowns occur because he is tired or hungry.  However, I can't always fix the situation.  For instance, if he is tired and melting down but it's only 10:00 in the morning (and he's tired because he didn't sleep well the night before) I can't really put him to bed.  I just have to wait until an appropriate time (or take a care ride and let him sleep for 20 minutes). 

4. Music - lots and lots of music.  Sometimes I'm lucky and we listen to CDs and dance.  I enjoy this type of music.  I even like it if he chooses to play with his many instruments (his band includes maracas, triangle, some wooden thing you hit, cymbals, piano, guitar, and other miscellaneous items).  Here he is playing with an accordion at one of our outings this week:

But music comes in many forms.  And sometimes it comes in the form of banging pots, or banging blocks, or banging anything that will make noise when banged against furniture.  This I'm not a fan of and actions like this usually lead me to #5.

5. At some point during the day I will lose it and make a completely insane threat.  It usually sounds something like, :"Evan Brian, if you don't stop you won't be able to play with/have [fill in item here] for the rest of your life."  These threats don't normally work which only makes me more crazy.  Then, at some point, I recognize the crazy and settle down.

6. "Me do."  I will hear these words at least 4,000 times a day.  "Me do diaper," "Me do cut," "Me do world peace."  And most of the things he wants to do he either a) physically can't do like change his down diaper, o b) he isn't allowed to do like cut his own food with a knife.  Then refer back to #4... there will be a meltdown.

7. Usually when I least expect it Evan will come over to me and say, "I love you mommy."  And I don't even care that this is usually said because he just did something bad I don't know about or is about to do something bad.  It works and he gets away with murder.

8. He will make me laugh.  The little man is quite funny.  Sometimes he makes me laugh on purpose (he is turning into quite a comedian) and sometimes he makes me laugh because he is so earnest about something odd.  Like when I asked him if he was okay this morning and he said no.  So I asked him what was wrong and he said "Me freakin' out" which was something Brian said yesterday.  Or when we take a walk and he tells me he has bad knees and then shows me his knees (again, Brian tells Evan that he has bad knees). 

9. Every single night, no matter what, after I put him to sleep (which is a ritual that includes getting on his pajamas, kissing Daddy good night, saying good night to the cats, putting on his turtle night light, turning on his sleep sheep, reading a book, getting in to bed under his 4 blankets, having me sing 3 songs to him, getting a kiss and hug good night, getting a "high five," and me saying "sogni d'oro" - and God help you if you miss on of those steps), I promise myself that I will be a better and more calm mom tomorrow.

Being Evan's mom is like riding a roller coasted.  He is my heart and soul and yet I think about putting him out on the stoop about 3 times a day.  I don't know how much of this is because he is 2 and how much of this is because he is Evan but I'm along for the ride.