Sunday, July 26, 2009

In the beginning

I'm not due until early September (or, more accurately, when the boy is ready to enter the world) so I thought I would take my first few posts, while I still have time, to fill you in on some background information about me, our journey to conception, and my pregnancy.

When I was in first grade, I wanted to be President of the United States. This would have been around the time Regan came to power, and since my political leanings are more communist that republican, I don't think it was his presidency that impacted my dreams. Instead, it was the idea that I would be the one in charge... of everything - and be the first woman to do it. I was enamored by the amount of power that was possible. Then I learned about the House, the Senate, and the concept of checks and balances. I decided that president didn't seem as glamorous anymore.

My next career ambition was to be a writer, someone as popular as Stephen King but as literary as F. Scott Fitzgerald. I was going to write the next American novel... based on all the experiences of my 10 years. Needless to say, not much came of that and then puberty hit. Through my veil of angst and depression, I decided to modify the writer dream and become a poet. But not just any poet - a poet like Emily Dickinson or Sylvia Plath - people who really understood the darkness.

This new dream coincided with my mom going back to get her Masters in Social Work. She read one of my puberty-ridden poems and the next thing I knew I was in therapy. Being in therapy can really negatively impact dark poetry. It isn't easy to write about death when you are starting to feel good about life.

At this point, I was in high school, getting ready to go to college and I had to really figure out what I wanted to do with my life - and as my parents reminded me this involved making a decision that would someday allow me to financially take care of myself. So, post-therapy, I decided to become an English Professor and write on the side - of course.

I went to college, and made a lot of stupid mistakes, none of which impacted me permanently - thankfully. Then I went to grad school to really start my journey towards tenure. And, for the first time, I was allowed behind the scenes of a collegiate English Department. What I saw were a bunch of people trying to prove that their studies meant something to the modern world and in fact, meant more to the modern world than their colleagues. It was a desperate jumble of egos and it made me nauseous.

And there I was, 24 years old, working at Borders Bookstore and with a skill set that most businesses didn't need nor appreciate (how many companies really needed to hire someone who could critique the misogynistic leanings of Shakespeare or if he really could have been misogynistic since that concept wasn't yet invented). So, I went to a temp agency, they placed me in the training department of an insurance company, and my love for adult learning was born.

Since then, I've had about 10 different jobs, all covering different aspects of adult learning. I call these "jobs" for a very specific reason. I'm not a planner - in fact planning makes me break out in hives. Having a career means I'm planning - that I have different steps to accomplish in order to reach my final goal. Me - I take jobs - they interest me for a while, then I move to the next one.

So this was my life, at 27, working different jobs in adult learning, living alone, dating men who were REALLY bad choices and I honestly thought this was as good as it gets. Then I met my husband...

No comments:

Post a Comment