It's been a year!

Well, my parents come tomorrow, the packers come Tuesday, movers Wednesday and then on an airplane (with husband, 4 cats, and baby) to Atlanta. Due to this chaos (and have I ever told you how much I hate chaos?) this is probably my last post of 2009.

So, I just wanted to take a moment to look back on this year.

For most of 2009 I was pregnant - almost 9 full months. This meant lots of doctor's visits, lots of blood tests, and a surprising love affair with my body (which sadly has not lasted as long post-partum). It also meant stress for my husband, strangers poking and prodding, and an amazing amount of fluid weight gain. I saw pictures of myself the other day and was in complete shock. I honestly don't remember pregnancy being anything other than blissful. I suppose this is how the earth is populated.

Then came the monkey. Look at him. It's okay, spend some time staring - he is that beautiful:

















Evan has brought with him some amazingly unexpected (for a first time mom) gifts. He is complete joy (most of the time). He has an interest in life that re-energizes me and I want to share this entire world with him and watch him as he learns all about it. He has taught me to trust myself in a way nothing else ever has and of course, the ultimate cliche, he has made my ability to love grow exponentially.

Of course, he has also brought dirty diapers (and my own conscience trying to come to terms with using disposable diapers), bottles (again, my conscience struggling with not being able to breastfeed longer), and lots and lots of laundry. I think I've mentioned the laundry once or twice before.

And, because of Evan, I'm now a stay at home mom. I do love my new job and I seriously wonder why people would think I am not busy... like all the time. I mean, the laundry alone...

And now, to finish out 2009, the Castruccis are starting their next adventure - Atlanta and city life. Right now I'm too stressed to even feel excitement. Oh wait, I think I feel something... no, that is just exhaustion - sorry, still no excitement. But I know it's there, waiting under the surface and it will surface soon.

Another change in life - gotta run, baby is having a meltdown. Have a happy new year and I'll check in next week.

Merry Christmas!

Need I say more?

Where in the world are the Castruccis?

Wondering where I've been? Still in Austin, getting the house ready.

For instance, this is (was) my den:




















Looks a little empty... huh? But as you can see, we've decided to keep the cats.

The den is one of the more soothing rooms as of today. Get a look at my kitchen:




















What you can't read is that each post-it note either says "loft" or "storage." Just to complicate our move more, we are spending our first 6 months in Atlanta in a 1000 square foot loft (as compared to a 3200 square foot house). So, I have to go through all of our stuff and indicate what is coming to the loft and what goes to storage so the movers/packers/designated lackeys who will help me coordinate the movers and packers will know what is going on.

Every time I walk in to this room I get over-stimulated. Here is another view of the room where I spend most of my day:




















It's never ending. And, to make this worse, I had to move stuff around so every morning I'm looking for a spoon and I end up with barbecue tongs. But I'm not trying to get used to this new layout since in a week everything will be in a new location in a new kitchen anyway.

Here is the number one thing I've learned about moving - we all have too much crap. Now, keep in mind that I supposedly learned this lesson 4 years ago when we moved from New Jersey to Austin. This time things are a little different because now I'm deciding whether or not something is important enough to pay for in storage... and most things aren't - it's amazing.

And I know, you are reading this thinking that you are a thrower-outer... but you aren't. You might be good at throwing out someone else's crap, but when it comes to your grandmother's table cloth or the first gift your husband gave you, you've kept it. You probably thought just keeping that one thing was no big deal, but you kept more than that.

You probably kept your towels from college in case you have 18 people come to visit so you would have a towel for each person. You probably kept the queen sheets you love even though you don't have a queen bed anymore because someday, you might get a queen bed again and then you will have sheets. I bet you even kept all of the doll clothes you had as a child so that someday your child could play with them... and then you probably had a boy, gave in to the stereotypes, and realized you don't have any of the dolls anymore anyway. Oh wait, all of this is me. Apparently I'm not a thrower-outer... I'm just a semi-organized keeper.

And so Goodwill and the Salvation Army are making a killing. I've even been able to fill the shelves at the local Food Bank - I hope someone really appreciates the artichoke hearts and capers.

Maybe this time the lesson of keeping everything "just in case" or for "someday" will finally sink in and I won't be going through this in another 4 years. Somehow I doubt it though, because I might need to sew a button on as shirt someday and I wouldn't want to not have that button laying around somewhere.

Something Completely Different

I was going to write about something completely different this evening (per Brian's request) but some things have occurred that changed my mind.

Before I jump right in and start to share my thoughts with you, there are some facts you need to know in order to understand this post.

Fact #1: My husband works in the area of maternal child health and is a strong public and private advocate for breastfeeding.

Fact #2: For some time I worked with my husband in the state health department (even though I worked in Medicaid) and so the same people know of us.

Fact #3: I breastfed Evan for approximately 12 weeks (combination of from the breast and pumped milk). I don't know why (and I'll muse more on it later) but breastfeeding didn't work out for Evan and I.

Fact #4: I attempted a drug-free natural birth and ended up having a heavily drugged c-section.

So, since you now have the pertinent background information - let me share. Earlier today Brian went to work for a going away party (this is his last day before Atlanta). I came as everyone wanted to see Evan and I'm Evan's minion in situations like this. While I was there, 3 different people asked me if I was breastfeeding. Due to facts #1 and #2 above this really isn't an odd question for people to ask even though I find it to be kind of personal. Almost similar to them asking me my bra size.

So, being an honest person, I said I wasn't breastfeeding any longer. To their credit, no one came down hard on me, but they did give me the look. Come on, you all know the look (and this isn't paranoia). And, even though I had promised myself I wouldn't ever explain my actions as a parent I heard myself telling them that I had breastfed for 12 weeks but that things went awry.

Next, when we came home, I checked my blog. Often, when I go to my blog, I click on the "Next Blog" link at the top left of the screen. Since my blog is about family and pregnancy I'm usually taken to another blog with a similar theme. Today I was taken to a midwife's blog and her topic of the day was breastfeeding. More specifically about how she is sick of people saying things like "I didn't breastfeed and my baby turned out okay," or "I had drugs for my birth and it was just fine." Well, probably due to my earlier interactions in the day her blog really got me going and I left a comment (something I rarely do). There were TONS of comments to her blog and sadly most of them agreed with her.

Because her post annoyed me so much, I'm going to share with you all some of my belief.

First off, the writer based her argument on the fact that breast milk is the natural drink because "in the wild" that is all we have. I have to state that I DO believe that breast milk is the best milk for a baby and I will definitely try to breastfeed any other children I have. That is not the part of the argument I have an issue with - it's the "in the wild" argument.

Here is the sad truth. If we used the "in the wild" argument then I would never have Evan and millions of other women would never have been able to conceive or give birth. In some cases babies would have died that survive today (my niece probably being one of them) and mothers would be dead who are healthy today. "In the wild" if I had conceived I would have eventually died since I never went in to labor (even with modern medicine). I don't know the reasons why, but I know that modern society is far from "in the wild" when it comes to childbirth. And judging people based on this mentality leads to divides that shouldn't exist.

I don't know why breastfeeding was difficult for me. I had the lactation nurse in the hospital and 2 post-partum doulas who tried to help me out. Maybe I couldn't learn, maybe Evan couldn't learn, maybe my body, since it has trouble conceiving and giving birth, also has trouble providing milk for my offspring. Either way, no one who simply asks me if I'm breastfeeding knows the reason I'm currently not. But, people are comfortable making assumptions.

I ask that we create a society in which breastfeeding and natural childbirth are supported as a choice for mothers. But, I also ask that when we find someone who didn't take that path we don't make assumptions about the reasons why. Yes, breast milk is best, but formula isn't evil. Yes, a natural childbirth is best for mother and baby, but if the only way a woman can have a peaceful birth is through drugs then she isn't evil.

Fact #5: I love my son and attempt to make choices for him that are the best.

Saying Thanks

As I was putting monkey to bed, I was overcome with how lucky I am to have him in my life.

And, I realized I don't know if I ever thanked those that made this journey possible:

Thank you to Brian for being willing to go on this wild ride of conception and parenthood with me.

Thank you to my amazing OB, Dr. Sebestyen, who calmly walked us through this process, always had another solution, and identified my thyroid issue. And for being the first person to welcome my son in to the world.

Thank you to Dr. Casaubon (fabulous endocrinologist) for monitoring my thyroid levels with vigilance and always sticking around to answer any questions.

Thank you to Metformin for helping me to ovulate, to synthroid for making up where my thyroid left off, my progesterone suppositories for supplementing my natural progesterone, and for the pain killers that made the incision pain free. I've made peace with my medications.

Thank you to family and friends who listened to me and put up with my silences or moods when I wasn't ready to talk.

And thank you to God (I would hear it from my mom if I forget this one) for putting all these people and things in my life to make this happen.

It was definitely all worth it.

Enough mush... time for something humorous tomorrow.