Introspection

Since this is my “day off” (I’m only blogging on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays) I thought I would share something about me with you all.


I think that the recent events in my life have made me take a closer look at who I am… at the moment. For instance, becoming a mom has made me very aware of what I say, what I do, and inconsequential things that might have a giant impact on Evan. Everything I am he watches. I’m hoping he will pick only those good things but history has taught us that we are all made up of good and not-so-good so I’m assuming he will choose from both sides of my personality.

I also think moving a lot has made me think about things differently. I’ve tried to see how I handle different situations and what I can do differently for the next move… because there will be one.

And so, lucky you, you get to benefit from some of my introspection through today’s post. I’m going to post 10 things about myself that I’ve learned over the past 5 years, some I like, some I don’t like (but I’m not going to tell you which is which – you can make your own decisions) but they are all part of me… and some of them are probably a part of my parents and some of them will probably be a part of Monkey.

1. I appreciate moments over events. This one has been the most “annoying” for Brian. For instance, when he was figuring out how he was going to propose to me he had decided on proposing to me on the boardwalk in Atlantic City (the site of our first kiss) and then ushering me into a big surprise engagement party. I can appreciate that someone would love it, but not me. Instead, I love that he did it on Christmas Eve, on the patio of my condo, just as snowflakes fell. It was quiet and beautiful and nothing could have been more perfect. I think I remember the details of moments and events just overwhelm me.

2. I’m always one step away from being a hoarder. This is because I attribute memories to things. In most cases I can remember where I bought something or who gave it to me. The things then become the memories and it becomes difficult for me to part with them.

3. While “things” are important to me from the point of view of memories, I think I would be much happier if I owned less. I have a closet of clothes and I wear the same 6 things. I have whittled it down to 8 pairs of shoes and I probably wear 4 year-round.

4. I am in a constant struggle with giving into and fighting against stereotypes. Living in Atlanta has made this even more difficult for me. From a logical point of view I can say that stereotypes exist because there is some truth behind them. For instance… there is a lot of big hair and even bigger accents in New Jersey. So, my struggle is that when someone performs an action and that action can be attributed to a stereotype of their race/ethnicity/gender I have to fight against grouping that person and instead deal with them as an individual.

5. In non-professional settings I am shy… very very shy. I am best if I have a “buddy” who is outgoing and can introduce me around. Otherwise I have to give myself a serious pep talk and can often come across as fake on the first meeting. I am always anxious about social situations because of this.

6. I am territorial inside my house. If you come to visit me don’t do the dishes. Don’t try and put things in the dishwasher and don’t try and clean anything. I ask this of Brian as well. You see, I am the only one who knows how to do these things… in my house. I could care less how you do it at your house but I will ask first in case you have a special way of doing something.

7. I get bored easily… very very easily. Brian is always amazed we are still married but that must say something about him. One of the downfalls of getting bored easily is that even people’s conversations can bore me. I’ve been known to tune in and out of conversations simply because I was bored. Don’t take it personally… this is my bad habit not your problem.

8. I have never had a life timeline or a life plan. I know this is shocking to most people (just kidding) but I have always taken life as it came to me. There was no thought that I would be married by a certain age or that I had to have children by a certain age. For the most part I am satisfied that I live my life this way, it has brought a lot of interesting opportunities to me. But sometimes I wonder where I would be or who I would be if I had had a plan.

9. I am surprised on a daily basis that I like being a mother. It’s true. Before we decided to have kids I wasn’t sure I would even like them until they grew up. Then, once I went through all that work to get pregnant, I was convinced I wouldn’t like Evan until he was about 3 years old. And now, I enjoy him almost every minute he is awake. He is so full of personality.

10. I am more than a mother and a blogger. I am a cook, an artist, a poet, a short story writer, a really really bad singer, an amateur decorator, an adult educator, a dancer for babies, a woman constantly searching for zen, and many many other things. I try and remember this is true of everyone else too and not label them so quickly.

11. I am not good with rules – not even ones I set for myself (hence the 11th point).



And now it’s your turn. If you’re brave, leave me a comment about a self-realization you recently had.